Shown above is my personal drawing of the engagement process, which starts from the first interaction with the other partner. At this stage, it is probably known to many of us as the dating process, where partners “chase” one another and get to know one another better. I personally love this stage of a relationship the most because of the butterflies I get in my stomach and that warm fuzzy feeling. Does anybody feel me?
Anyway, at this stage, communication speeds up. It picks up in terms of frequency and breadth. We interact more with the person with the aim of achieving a richer interpersonal relationship with the person. Communication helps us to decipher whether we are suitable for the other person or not.
I personally feel there are too many reasons to name as to what makes one person gravitate towards the other but physical attractiveness and similarity are top on my list based on personal experience. Whatever the reason, as long as it makes you happy and you are able to deal with your conscience at the end of the day, that is all that matters I feel.
The second drawing is the management process of interpersonal relationships. During this stage, communication is vital to maintain the relationship. Communication here is also often more in-depth and thus, the quality of the relationship greatly increases too.
Communication comes in the form of self disclosure here where parties share information about one another, to maintain and further build trust, the basis of all relationships. Without trust, the relationship would crumble over time because we would not feel secure with the party, leading to a spiral of problems.
During this period, there would also bound to be conflicts and couples have to communicate to resolve their issues. They use communication to dictate if they should continue to develop the relationship or break the relationship up.
Communication, or the lack of it, can often lead to relational dissolution. There is disengagement of communication here where there is little or no communication. Since two parties decide that they do not want to have much to do with one another anymore, it is only natural that communication is minimal at this stage.
To me, the top reasons for break ups are betrayal of trust, violence and differences. However, I feel that break ups can be prevented with enough quality communication. With communication, you are able to clear things up with one another and bring across your thoughts, feelings and ideas. It might be possible to work things out but I understand this is easier said than done and it all depends on the context of the situation.
Interpersonal relationships on a whole need lots of quality communication and commitment for it to last. So, you should only enter into one if you are serious enough and ready for it! All the best for all your future relationships people!(:
P.S Pardon my not-up-to-artist-standard drawings!!
Communication does make the world go round, doesn't it? Yet, inter-personal communication seems to be the unspoken golden rule that everyone takes for granted.
ReplyDeleteSure, love and kindess form the substance of our relationships, but I agree that real true communication is imperative as the basis. In this modern era that sees us often justifying oruselves boldly, communication must be fully utilised and never underestimated.
Sadly, that is a logical and matter-of-fact viewpoint that our emotions and actions might not always cohere with. Many people do know the value of communication, but they don't invest time and effort to reach that goal. It's tiring, consuming and unnecessary to talk so much... at least to them.
Ironically, despite our educated minds and increased awareness of communication, relationship break-downs (especially through divorces) seem imminent in today's society.
Since we know it, why can't we act on it? Inaction is a severe human flaw.
In addition, distant communication through the web or phone is no alternative to the traditional yet natural way of face-to-face communication. Perhaps engagement can be fulfilled through those, but management requires the personal touch.Finally, disengagement is clearly the consequence of such disengaged, distant communication forms.
Traditional as I may sound, let's consciously remind ourselves and urge our friends and families to maintain, or even improve our levels of inter-personal communication... so that our worlds can go round and round, smoothly oiled with our words of sincerity (love and kindness).
Hi Val,
ReplyDeleteYou have presented the Knapp Model of Relational Development in a interesting way of your own, using graphics to illustrate the various processes of 'make' and 'break'. By using graphics, one can better understand the various stages of the model and hence also makes the understanding process more enjoyable, instead of reading off a dead cell model.
I agree that the attractiveness of a person depends of one's preferences of the various aspects of what makes a suitable partner. Perspectives differ and people have different ideals. Some may feel that physical appearance is of priority, and others may feel that one's character matters more. Some people may even choose to objectify the qualities their potential partners must have, ie creating a check list of whether they meet the criteria. Such include having it necessary to find someone with a great smile, nice eyes, rich etc. Others may settle with whoever that comes along and feel comfortable with.
After the 'selection' is done, what thrives in a relationship is communication, the disclosure of the personal self and the sharing experience with one another as you have described in the management process of a relationship. With communication, all other aspects of an 'ideal' relationship like trust and honesty will come into place.
I agree that some people use communication to break the relationship up but often there are also cases whereby over communicating inevitably leads to more conflict as more and more issues are raised even before they can be resolved. Such a situation would lead to the couple avoiding the topic by physically avoiding each other too, leading to the termination of their relationship.
A relationship is a commitment and once one decided to be in a relationship, they should inherently take on responsibilities of carrying the relationship dutifully to its end by first and foremost staying faithful to their partners.
Hey Val,
ReplyDeleteI can see where you're coming from. I am sure everyone wants to have the ability to communicate effectively and efficiently, but to err is human nature and it's hard to control the emotions that are in direct conflict with good communication.
I feel that a good "communicator" ( I don't know what other term to use) is not born and this skill requires time, effort and experience to master. However, I definitely second your opinion on the different phases of communication between two parties. It is true that as time passes, the mode, method and tone of communication will adjust to the state of the relationship.
Thanks for the post on the three stages of communication.
ReplyDeleteYes, communication is key to building relationships. However, in conservative Singaporean society, I feel that people rarely put emotions to words.
Hence, being attuned to the non-verbal communicative cues of others is key. When I stop in the hallways to chat with a friend, I almost always attempt to initiate conversation. However, if my friend's body slants away from me (Singaporeans tend to be too polite to share that they aren't in the mood for conversation), I find the first opportunity to disengage.
Communication rocks. If we can hone our ability to communicate non-verbally well and to receive non-verbal communication cues from others, we will be more sensitive to others. Probably, we will then be more successful in life. -nod-
haha hey val cool post on relational development here... well i dont exactly understand the meaning of butterflies in the stomach nor that warm fuzzy feeling, but basically i think its just being nervous and feeling good cos there's somebody who wants you and cares for you.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is vital to all forms of relationships, be it just peer to peer, or BGRs or even business relationships. In order to keep these relationships healthy, the communication has to be valuable/rewarding to both parties and of course something good must come out of it. Yes yes there are times where miscommunication occurs and feathers get ruffled due to conflict, but conflict resolution(Also a form a communication) will set in which could make(bring them closer) or completely break(tear them apart) the relationship ya?
Hello Val!
ReplyDeleteGood elaboration on DeFleur El At's role of communication in interpersonal relationships model. And good that you provided drawings so we can understand better the three stages! (Although your drawing is not that great...)
I agree that communication is vital in the establishing and maintenance of a realationship. Communication breakdowns commonly lead to the dissolution of the relationship as both partners are unable to relate their feelings to each other or resolve conflicts. Communication allows us to disclose information about ourselves to our partners, and this might perhaps prolong a relationship.
I have always felt that as long as communication is sustained and quality conversations are exchanged, a relationship is able to sustain itself. When conflicts do occur, we can resolve it through communicating with one another, disclosing our feelings about it to our partner and this would in turn help maintain the relationship. Therefore, I have always held the belief that relationships end because partners fail to communicate or simply lose interest in communicating with one another.
Another point I would like to note involves the Engagement stage of an interpersonal relationship. Like you, I too view physical attributes and attitudinal similarities as the most important when seeking for a potential partner. First impressions matter a lot, and physical appearances are the first nonverbal cues we notice in a person. But I do feel guilty for hesitating in starting a relationship with someone who is physically unattractive. Usually after getting to know such people and communicating with them, we discover that we have things in common and are able to get along well. I guess we all have to learn to overlook such flaws!
Bye Val, see you later! ^^
Nice introduction of the knapp's model to everyone!What I have learned from my past relationships is that Communication is vital in maintaining a relationship. Imagine you remain silent whenever theres an argument between both parties. It will definitely worsen the whole situation resulting in the bottom half of the knapp's model to be introduce. Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding and at the end Terminating.
ReplyDeleteSo if in the future, you find yourself a boyfriend. Make sure that you speak up during an argument without using emotional blackmail of course. :D
Hi Val, cute drawings! I do agree with you that communication's indeed vital in interpersonal relationships. In actual fact, it plays a crucial role in any form of relationship, be it interpersonal or working relationships.
ReplyDeleteTrue communication takes place only when all parties understand the message from the same perspective and in my own opinion, many relationships fail not only because there is the lack of communication but the lack of TRUE comunication. The fact that both parties are unable to communicate from the same perspective thus portrays a very bleak future to their existing relationship. wow wee so sad !
A detailed entry on the stages of an interpersonal relationship!
ReplyDeleteI agree that communication and trust are crucial in maintaining a relationship. Especially in the beginning, communication would mean self disclosure which helps determine whether you have things in common and whether you are interested. Trust is another important component because without it, you would never really feel secure in the relationship and hence cannot move forward onto making a bigger commitment.
However, I do think that certain couples cannot patch up just by communicating more. There are more internal and external contributing factors to a relationship whether we like it or not. Some just lose the spark or realise that they do not have that much in common or they are not attracted to each other like they used to be because the impact of physical appearance wears out in the course of a relationship.
Oh love is such a complex thing that we may never fully understand even with the help of models and stages.
Hi Val,
ReplyDeleteCute stickman drawings!!!!
Wow I didn't know there were frameworks to the dissolution of a relationship, so that's a really interesting insight for me.
I agree with you that communication indeed plays a very important role in building up a relationship. I guess since all emotional relationships are based on trust, it is fundamental that both parties articulate their thoughts through communication, either verbal or tacit.
I guess sometimes over-communication lead to cracks within the relationship. In some cases, sufficient communication keeps the chemistry and sparks in a relationship going. However, there are times when these 2 people in a relationship, be it romantic or friendly, tend to be too comfortable with communicating with one another that they may be less tactful in communication. That may lead to conflicts and result in the dissolution of a relationship.
However, that minimal verbal communication signifies a possible disengagement of communication may not be true. Take the example of an old loving couple who have been married for 60 years. At this point the old man suffers a stroke and is unable to talk. It does not mean that the wife would love the old man any lesser just because he is unable to "communicate" (in layman) with her due to his new disabilities. Perhaps at this point, some form of tacit understanding between the two will allow the wife to understand the needs of the husband and thereby strengthening the communication between the two.
This brings to my point that relationship might not end due to a lack of communication. I feel that it is more the intention of the two parties or one to disengage that leads to little, if not none, communication.
Communication is indeed very vital to a relationship. Initially, it is what the relationship is built on, subsequently, it helps to shape and mould the relationship altogether. In the early stages, verbal communication holds the most weight, to a certain level, it may outweigh the other party's physical attractiveness. In my opinion, wittiness is more attractive than good looks! The verbal communication then brings about disclosure like you have mentioned and it helps to see if both parties are on the same wavelength / can click with one another. At the same time, non-verbal cues such as body language will help you decipher / guide you along to interpreting the other party's feelings for you. As the relationship matures, non-verbal cues plays alot! I feel that the act of holding hands in public holds more significance than a kiss. Verbal communication then takes place in the forms of assurance etc.
ReplyDeleteHowever, should one day one party loses feelings, I think no amount of communication will salvage that. True, feelings can be developed but it seems kind of forcing a way into the relationship. It defeats the purpose right?
Hey valerie,
ReplyDeletegood analysis, but i think the logic of this com's blog is to analyse a media article instead of a summary of the chapters. maybe you could analyse a romance film relationship of the 2 main characters? or maybe expand more about Brokeback mountain and the interpersonal relationship of homosexuals and how they differ from heterosexuals
2 cents :)
isaac
http://pitstophere.wordpress.com
I like your drawings I think they're very cute! Haha!
ReplyDeleteMmmm relationships relationships. So many people have problem with them If only there was a dummy's guide to relationships. That's an idea!
I think physical attraction is one of the most powerful forces of attraction there is in the world. No magnet can beat it!
Relationships break up for many reasons, and I do agree that many times, the lack of communication or even poor communication can be detrimental to a relationship. I personally feel that actions speak louder than words, so communication to me is more than just words, but also body language and intimacy.
I think body language and physical intimacy are the easiest ways to see how a couple's relationship is going.
your drawings are cute!
ReplyDeleteand yes, i agree with you that with good communication between 2 parties, a break-up can be avoided.
everything happens all boils down to communication and how things are being handled.
Reply to Hilda:
ReplyDeleteHi Hilda!
That is one long piece of insightful comment! Thank you for always taking your time and effort to give me feedback!
Communication definitely makes the world go round but like you mentioned, sadly, effective communication is not taking place enough. People take each other for granted, people take simple communication for granted.
In this busy era, people often neglect communicating with their loved ones or even find alternative ways of communication, as opposed to the traditional face-to-face communication, such as emailing, webcamming and instant messaging. While I agree with you that face-to-face communication is still the most preferred form of communication for the majority, alternative forms provide people with more options that were not made available in the past. Also, sometimes it is difficult for face-to-face communication to take place, thus, people adapt and switch to alternative forms of communication.
Whatever method of communication one adopts, as long as at the end of the day, they attain their desired goal, whether it is to catch up with their loved ones or to get information across, we should not be too concerned about the medium we use to communicate(:
Yes, let us all seek to continuously maintain our interpersonal relationships!
Reply to Ams:
ReplyDeleteHey Ams!
Actually I was not demonstrating about the Knapp model of development. I was focusing on communication in relationships that can be further broken down into three sub-groups. However, my main purpose of drawing my own illustration of these three main sub-groups of communication in relationships was to make it fun and easy for readers to grasp the main ideas! In a way, it can be seen as a part of the Knapp model of developement but not a specific one(:
Yup, different people definitely have different tastes and so, what attracts one person to another is not definite.
You brought up an interesting point about overcommunication possibly being a threat to the relationship. Perhaps, if this were the case, the relationship could possible not have a strong foundation in the first place or has had too many issues from the start such that when all issues are being brought up, the relationship risks termination.
Communication is important at all stages of a relationship and like you mentioned, one should only enter into a relationship when one is ready as it is a big commitment(:
Reply to Danielle:
ReplyDeleteHi Danielle!
I agree with you that sometimes, we fail to communicate effectively because our emotions get the better of us such that we are unable to do so. For example, if we are too angry with a friend, although we might think that effective communication is important to maintain the friendship, we might be too angry to even communicate with the person!
Effective communication is definitely a skill that people do not just master overnight. Like you mentioned, it takes time and effort. As two people communicate more over time, they start to know what kind of communication suits their relationship best and in this way, we could say that all relationships are unique in the way they communicate. Hope you have found that with yours!(:
Reply to Wilfred Chua:
ReplyDeleteHey Wilfred!
Thank YOU for your comment(:
You have certainly displayed quite a good grasp of this topic! You seem to understand that communication works differently in different context and you definitely have some experience with non-verbal communication!
Like you mentioned, if we were to be more attuned to non-verbal communication, it could spell better opportunities for us in life. For example, if we were in an interview and we could read the interviewer's body language and react accordingly, we could possibly have a higher chance of landing a job!
All the best!(:
Reply to asanationsimply stares:
ReplyDeleteHello!
I am not familiar with what sort of experiences you have had but for me, that butterflies in my stomach and warm fuzzy feeling is more than because somebody wants me and cares for me!
Definitely, it is not just about communication but it is actually about effective communication ya? Let us all do our best to communicate effectively with everyone so as to prevent conflict!(:
Reply to Adeline Kwek:
ReplyDeleteHey Adeline!
I am glad you find it easier to understand communication in relationships and I really apologize for my mediocre drawings:P
Yup, communication breakdown is defintely one of the top reasons for breakups! That is why, effective communication is emphasized so much by counsellors but many seem to take this aspect of the relationship for granted many a time!
Yes Adeline, I understand where you are coming from in your last point. I am sure many of us are guilty of that too! However, I am also sure that many of us do attempt to not be too quick to judge and give ourselves and the other person a chance to get to know each other better first(:
All the best in your future relationships!(:
Reply to kandidkester:
ReplyDeleteHello there!
Actually the drawings were based on communication in relationships, not specifically the Knapp model of development but like I mentioned to Ams, it can be part of the Knapp model of development(:
Hahahaha to your term "emotional blackmail". That means crying right? Haha! Anyway, yup I will definitely do my best to communicate effectively with my future boyfriend to sustain the relationship!
I wish you the best with your girlfriend and you!(:
Reply to Dawn:
ReplyDeleteHey Dawn!
I am glad you find my drawings cute! Haha I was afraid people would laugh at them!:P
Yes I totally agree with you that communication is only of good value if it is effective communication, or true communication like you said. That is when both parties understand where each other is coming from and when the intended message to each other is understood completely by one another!(:
Reply to sundaytv:
ReplyDeleteHello!
Yes, I agree with you that trust is also very important in relationships. If there is communication but no trust, we would not believe whatever the person says and the relationship would have a hard time progressing!
Also, like you mentioned, not all relationship problems can be solved by just communicating because in reality, relationships are not as simple as that. However, perhaps sometimes we realize that we are not able to resolve the relationship problem just by communicating is precisely because we know of this through communicating in the first place. Whatever it is, communication helps us to know, to understand and to resolve or not.
Love sure is complex):
Reply to Jasmine:
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmine!
I am happy to know that you took something away from this!
I understand where you are coming from in your fourth paragraph. Perhaps sometimes we get too comfortable with a person and when we do, we tend to take communication with that person for granted, which can lead to conflicts like you said! So, perhaps we should all try our best to not take communication for granted, even if we were friends with that person for our whole lives!
For my point on minimal verbal communication possibly leading to a disengagement of relationships, I was actually talking about the general experiences of people. Of course, I totally get what you are saying but that is somewhat an exception. You know where I am coming from?(: Good observation Jasmine!
Hmmm I feel that in the first place, how one decides whether to end the relationship or not, they will have to communicate with one another, whether verbally or non-verbally, to arrive at that intention. Good points overall!(:
Reply to Cheryl:
ReplyDeleteHey Cheryl!
Relationships sure are complicated and different people sure have different ways of communicating their feelings, ideas and attitudes across to the other party! Nothing is definite in all relationships as all relationships are unique!
At the end of the day, I feel that it still takes two hands to clap. If two people are married but they no longer love one another but are just in it for the sake of it, I would not consider it a "true" relationship. Like you mentioned, nothing can really be forced and its up to the two parties at the end of the day whether they want to make the relationship work(:
Reply to pithosphere:
ReplyDeleteHey Isaac!
Hmmm I was actually doing a reflection as stated in my title. Hence, I did not use any form of media text but simply gave my insights on communication theories that I have learnt during COM101 class that week(: My understanding is that for reflections, we are not required to include media texts but as long as we talk about communication theories learnt during that week we are fine.
Also, since our instructor showed us Ice Age to demonstrate the Knapp model of development during lecture, I figured that many people would also adopt that idea but simply change the movie used. That is why I wanted to be more creative and came up with something original(:
Thank you for your concern anyway!
Reply to ghostwiththemost:
ReplyDeleteHey there!
Thank you for your compliment!
Well, I also wished they had a dummy's guide to relationships but unfortunately, I feel that all relationships are unique and therefore, there can be no one guide for everyone because not eveything in relationships can be generalized and predicted.
Definitely, relationships thrive on verbal and non-verbal communication. We should all learn to find and strike that balance for our own relationships ya!(:
Reply to Christina:
ReplyDeleteHey Christina!
Thank you! I took quite a bit of time drawing them actually(:
Communication sure is important to all relationships!
Good luck for all your relationships with people!(: